Parents

Yesterday I was having a conversation with a friend about the expectations we have about our parents. As children we believe that those people who raised us and taught us right from wrong not only have all the answers but are infallible. As children, most of us believed that our parents had not pasts. I, for one, cannot remember ever really thinking about what my parents were like before they had my brothers and me. I never considered that my mother may have had other boyfriends before my father or that my father was a bit of a trouble maker as a teen. We were told stories by our grandparent, aunts and uncles but it was all family lore, not really truths about our parents.

Then, one day, sometimes a little too unexpectedly, we find out that our parents are not perfect. We find out that sad, sad fact that they are merely human like the rest of us. It can be a little disturbing to find out that that people we put upon a pedestal had a past, did things that they may not be quite so proud of and did not always practice what they preached.

It's not really their fault either. I don't ever recall my parents actually telling me that they were perfect. My dad used to joke around and sing that he was so pretty he could puke (I could get disowned for divulging that) but I never remember him or my mother saying "Listen to what I teach you because I am perfect." It was me who perched them up above everyone else. And when I found out that they weren't all I built them up to be I was disheartened.

I would like to believe that my daughter is not under the same illusion that her mother is perfect. Goodness knows I've made plenty of mistakes for her to see. Then again, maybe my parents made mistakes right in front of me but I ignored them because it was easier, more comforting, to believe that Mom and Dad were flawless. Maybe it's what we need to believe until we are old enough to deal with the truth. After all, these are the people who instruct us in life and how to live it. They are the ones who instill those morals and ideals we take through our lives, for better or worse. And maybe the final lesson they teach us in life is that no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. It's a hard lesson to learn but who better to teach us than our parents.

Goodbye

Yesterday morning I learned that a man who helped influence my life musically from a very young age had passed away from a heart attack. His name was Tom "T-Bone" Wolk and he was bassist/guitarist and eventually musical director for my favorite group, Daryl Hall and John Oates. He also worked with the likes of Carly Simon and appeared as a member of the Saturday Night Live Band.

Now, while I would never claim T-Bone and I were friends, I did have the honor of meeting and speaking with him a couple times several years ago and I can say without a doubt that he was an extraordinary man. He was beyond impressive musically, had a great sense of humor (which was obvious onstage and off) and he was gracious to his fans. When he could have understandably avoided fan contact off-stage he willing showed up to fan get-togethers and mingled with those of us who were lucky enough to attend. It is something that will stick in my mind for all of my life.

My first memory of T-Bone is when I was about 12 years old and watching videos on MTV. He was the one standing almost completely still during "Private Eyes". He looked so out of his element back then. He was always the quiet, shy guy who never vied for camera time. Now, to see him on Daryl Hall's monthly internet show, Live From Daryl's House, we got to see what had to be the real T-Bone. He always seemed so relaxed and happy and purely excited about the musical guests joining Daryl.

As an adult, I taught my daughter to enjoy and respect Daryl Hall and John Oates. As a result she learned T-Bone's name a a very early age. When I saw the tears fill her eyes yesterday when I told her the news of his death, I knew that T-Bone had won over yet another generation of music lovers.

I'm not sure what a Hall & Oates concert will be like without T-Bone. He, along with Charlie DeChant, has been a main player for so many years I cannot fathom what it will be or sound like without him. I do not think I've seen Hall & Oates without T-Bone being onstage too. It is a reality that I, as a fan, never thought I'd have to face. While I am absolutely sure that he would want the music to play on, I will miss his casual style and the joy he had on stage.

I would like to thank T-Bone for all the music he brought to my life. Thank you for all the fun times and never forgetting your fans. Rest In Peace.